It’s not often that I post about miscarriage, at most I refer to it only in passing. Yet this is the main reason for me doing all this – the need to “give back” in some way for my luck at managing to keep my second daughter, and thinking of all those people who didn’t get to keep their babies as I very nearly didn’t. I may not mention it much in my posts, but there is heaps on information on my experiences (including my own two miscarriages) on the pages about my Dramatic Pregnancies (also accessible via the links to the right, if you’re viewing through my home page of http://www.braveorfoolish.org.uk) if you’re interested and haven’t already read it.
Today is October 15th, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It’s a day when people can remember their lost babies, whether they’re the parents themselves, or the grandparents, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers, friends – anyone.
The Miscarriage Association helps those who have lost a baby through miscarriage. Not only do they provide a telephone and email helpline, staffed by extremely kind volunteers, but they also produce leaflets that are handed out in associated hospitals for those who have lost a baby. I received copies of these leaflets myself at one stage, and compared to the usual NHS stuff, theirs was extremely compassionate and thoughtful and it was very much appreciated. When I found out more about the charity, I discovered that they educate medical staff on how best to deal with those who have lost a baby – far too many doctors can be extremely thoughtless and callous as it’s their every day job and they don’t see the baby as a baby at all, just medical remains, if that. I have heard some truly horrendous stories from many people over their treatment. The charity also does some research itself, and finally they raise awareness with the media – for example they might be consulted on soap storylines or for news reports.
It’s an amazing charity, and a very small one at that – the entire budget is £200K for the year. Over a quarter of the budget comes from fundraising activities such as this marathon I am running. So the money I am raising matters that much more than for one of the huge charities out there. For a breakdown of how much various things cost, see my information page here – you’ll see that even a small amount of sponsorship will make a great deal of difference.
One of the reasons I am posting today is that I have a favour to ask of you. If any of you have been touched by the Miscarriage Association in some way, or perhaps *wish* you had been as your experience was so dreadful in some way, I would love to hear your story if you’re willing to tell it. There are two main reasons for this.
1. To inspire me. I can’t pretend it’s easy going out training! I don’t usually enjoy running, and I certainly don’t like the crap I’m getting off strangers. Give me some ammunition to keep my resolve strong when I feel weak. And especially on the day of the Marathon itself – one tip I have heard is to dedicate each mile to somebody, so you’d never want to stop running in each person’s mile as you’d feel you were letting them down!
2. To inspire others.. if you’re okay with that. I’d like to publish some of your stories on my site (either in your own words, or mine if you’d prefer.. I can also make the stories anonymous too) for others to read. I realise such stories could be triggering for readers, so I’d put them in links to the right like my story is, and link to new ones from blog updates so those who want to read them can. I want those who haven’t experienced losses to understand a little what it is like, so they know exactly why I am doing this. And more importantly, might be encouraged to sponsor more as a result, or even sponsor at all – and make even more of a difference.
There is kind of a third reason in that sharing a story can often help for some people – an acknowledgement that their babies existed and meant something and are a part of the story of their lives. It’s partly why I’ve shared my stories so my babies aren’t forgotten. The flipside being that it can be painful to relive the memory too, so please don’t consider doing this if it’s going to upset you. It’s not worth it.
Obviously I would never publish a story unless you told me it was explicitly okay for me to do so, and if I do, I’ll send you the final draft (unless it’s in your own words) for your review before doing so.
If you would like to share your story, please drop me an email or message me on Facebook (don’t forget the fan page there!) My contact address is braveorfoolish AT sparklies.org.uk. For some odd reason email to the braveorfoolish domain is not working *sigh*. It used to, so I’ve no idea how long it’s been out of action!
Similarly feel free to pass this post on to anybody who you think might be interested in sharing their story – it’s not just limited to readers of this blog. The more stories, the better.
